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Expectation Management




I exchanged view lately with a friend of mine, to which she said : when we talked about our problems with someone, we already know what kind of response that we wanted from that particular person. We have our specific wishes. By the time they didn’t meet that expectation of ours, we got upset. So we must manage our expectation instead. We can’t control their response to what we’re about to say, because they too, haven’t been prepared for what we will be saying. They haven’t gotten their “try-out” before, plus they also don’t have their second try out to make up for what they said to us. Feelings are so complicated, once we’re hurt, we bleed for life.

That conversation gave me an idea to make an article about expectation management. I feel that most of our problems rooted from our own expectation, not reality-based. Our expectations hurt us. We want it goes this way, that way, in any way possible but the truth. I feel like we disrespect others by making our own assumptions about them. We refuse to see them as they are. We might ended up saw them only as our “vessels” to lighten up our feelings, to brighten up our day, because when they fell off our expectation’s chart, we got angry.

You can’t control what others say, but you surely can control your expectations of them, then control how you deal with their response.

    You all must have heard a saying that says “assumption kills” right? I’m sure you do. My assumptions nearly killed me. It paralyzed me so, so bad that I’m able to do nothing. And the more I did nothing, the more depressed I became. It’s like a never-ending vicious cycle of evil-ness. I have had a couple of breakdowns these past few years and most of them happened because of my own assumptions. I assume that all of my friend had left me alone, that no one care about me and the saddest of all is that they need me no more, that I’m an insignificant, replace-able human being. All of my assumptions were not true, of course. They do need me, I have my own role in their lives which can not be replaced by anyone. Because anyone is not me. Alas, alles gut in the end because I also learnt how to be strong by my own.

    By managing our expectations, we prevent ourselves from getting hurt. We know what kind of people they are, what response they will give and maybe our conclusion being that we shall not talk to that particular person about a particular subject. And that is okay, protecting yourselves is okay. Or we can re-think how should we talk to them, in what manner should we present our stories so it will lead to the outcome that we wanted. Or we can step back, take a deep breath and talk to them when we’re ready, in an already calmer manner. Doing those things could save our relationships.

   So let's learn to manage our expectations, shall we?        
Happy learning! 


(photo courtesy of google.com)

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