The Little Women

Then I remember that it’s your birthday, today. And I just happened to use your jacket  because of my sickness  these past weeks. Your jacket has always been my comfort clothing, you know. The black one that you always wore on our road trips? Yep, the  one  very special jacket that I save for myself.   It helps me get through my worst sick days. Through every chilly nights, every shivers and cold sweat, through everything. It literally as warm as your hugs. Happiest birthday, Angku. May you shine  and always keep shining wherever you are.  Fly high above the stars, and watch us dearly from there. The lives you touch  has always  been utterly grateful t o ever h ave you inside it. Let us pray for each other every now and then, yeah? I’ll come visit you when I’m finally able to. We love you, Angku.  We love you and we’ll always do. Ananda Khaira Azizah, Pekanbaru, 17 November 2024. Hari Minggu, pukul 2 siang.

Some stories are well hidden on the attic,   secretly written on a diary or simply well-kept on the mind of its owner. But I’m not a keeper, I’m a storyteller. I strongly believe that if my story can change the life of even one person  than it is a story worth to be told. Putting yourself out there &  being vulnerable is scary, I tell you. Because you give everyone the exact card  to use against you. Your trauma, your  feelings, your sacred secret and your deepest fear. But the upside is, you can  connect with them on a deeper level.  Because who knows? You might have a shared experiences or the same insights or simply, you guys just run on the same frequency. Then tada, you got a friend in me. Sharing is never about the story, you know. It’s about the share of feelings. Which by the end of it you’ll feel lighter, happier, matter. You feel understood and  finally, you will realize that  you’re not alone. You’re not alone. Ananda Khaira Az...

How can you see in the dark? With no lights is in sight? Do you reach out to someone else, Reach out to yourself, or you just sit there; laying in wait, waiting for the moment  to come out? Do you feel like free falling unto a  bottomless pit, with no way out? Nothing to bounce back into. Oh somehow you knew, somehow  you knew that the only way out  is up, but it’s not as easy as it sounds, right? So not as easy as it sounds. Because all reasons is none when the mind is gone. So how do you, Oh how do you see in the dark? Ananda Khaira Azizah, Pekanbaru, 4 November 2024. Hari Senin, pukul 4 pagi.

Please God, Help me take care of my child. Help me take care of my child greatly, Even in sickness and in health. Give me strength in times of need, And an abundance of patience, which I so desperately need. For he is my rock, God. He’s my rock & my lifeboat. His love is what keeps me afloat in this strangely unusual sea of life. Please, Oh please God, Help me take care of my child. Ananda Khaira Azizah, Pekanbaru, 27 Oktober 2024. Hari Minggu, pukul 2 siang.

Today I encounter a breathtaking view A view that’s as beautiful as you. “Hear the sound.” you say. Sounds of the heart, beating as one. For in marriage, we are one body. One body & one heart. And the heart has chambers that expand, that grows as your family grow. For one person has their own place, replaceable by no one. If one leaves, then the place’s empty. If it’s not mended, then it’s neglected. No matter how many other loves you got, that one place will always missing. I do hope you’re not on the one that’s missing, though. Because a child needs all the loves they can get to live, to grow & to thrive. Ananda Khaira Azizah, Pekanbaru, 25 Oktober 2024. Hari Jumat, pukul 11 malam.

Watched this movie earlier and I am baffled! The movie is beautiful on so many levels and I cry my heart out at how great it is 😭 So the book has been on best seller list since forever yet I never have the chance to read it but the movie is so good. All of the actors & actresses are top notch but best of all, the message that it delivered. It Ends With Us is a movie based on Colleen Hoover’s novel with the same title that talks about domestic violence. There was this denial part that they won’t acknowledge they had been in one, then it reoccured ‘till our lead actress realize that she had to stop it from happening again. For her daughter’s sake. “Either we break the pattern or the pattern break us.” Colleen Hoover says on her book and I couldn’t agree more. But it takes tremendous strength to break the pattern and that’s what this book/movie is about. It’s about strength. Strength and courage to do the right thing, no matter how hard. Domestic violence is not okay and it never wil...

Sometimes all we need is just a pat in the back or hugs on a cold days. Someone to talk to, things to remembered us to. Happiness often lays in the simplest of things, I suppose. Human connection. It never was and never will be in some big, grandeur moments of gift givings or money showering. Surely there’s so much more to life than just that, right? Time & presence are on the essence and it will never be out of essence.   So I hope, oh I really hope you choose right. Ananda Khaira Azizah, Pekanbaru, 3 September 2024. Hari Selasa, pukul 3 sore.