The Little Women

To tell you the truth, I barely functioning this whole week, you know. At all.   Even though I might appear good on the surface but my thoughts are in such disarray of not knowing what, where or how my baby is. Because I’m not with him, you know? This one time I even forgot the steps of my shower, I have no idea what steps was done and what wasn’t done because apparently my thoughts were somewhere else. I became forgetful on things I do not normally forget.  My heart was somewhere else because baby was somewhere else. And tonight I waited downstairs for hours upon his arrival, and the moment his car parked in the driveway I bolted out to take him into my arms. Finally. Finally. Ananda Khaira Azizah, Pekanbaru, 15 April 2025. Hari Selasa, pukul 9 malam. (Part One)

There it is, baby. The overlapping shadow  of the world outside. Do you see it? Are you able to see what mama sees? So here’s the thing, darling. This world is not just one straight arrow going one way, it’s  so many bended ones overlapping with one another; scattered around with so many destinations of each. And people is so much like those arrow; bended. Circumstances and situations bend the arrow to the left, then right, then left again, and so on and so on.  Then the arrow intersect with another arrow that has so many dents within itself already, then both arrows intersect with another arrow yet again. And those dents, those intersections; those overlaps are exactly what makes our world as beautiful as it is right now.  People with the overlapping shadows in their interactions of one another and their interactions within themselves. As complex and as beautiful as they are. So please, there’s no need to be ashamed of every history of ours & our own body, okay?...

There’s a nice glow from the room outside. It was warm, inviting, pretty. Ever so beautiful like we live in the golden hour, all time glow. I hope the new room will bring new adventure to baby. With its soft orange colored wall,  surrounded with toys that he likes and people that he loves. I hope he’ll grow as warm as his new wall.  Bold but not too bold; brave but not too brave, only enough. Enough to make people sit & feel comfortable with him and his presence.  The wall is cautious, warm & beautiful. An instant homely feelings will be felt when you take your first step into the room.  I hope, oh I hope that room will always remind him of home. I hope it will always remind him of us.  Ananda Khaira Azizah, Pekanbaru, 27 Maret 2025. Hari Kamis, pukul 10 pagi.

I want you to see, baby. I want you to see that we’re just a human as much as anybody. That Mama sometimes cry and a little sappy, that she might even cry when she’s angry. Your Papa is generally funny but  he might be quiet when he’s worry. We love hard & play hard but of course we still fight, we talk good and do good but mistakes will still be made. I want you to know that it is okay to be mad when you’re angry; to be sad when you’re lonely, to be jelly, to feel icky and to  experience any emotions other  than feeling happy. Sometimes people still smile even when they do not feel so smiley. It’s the thing people do for many reasons, really. They are just complex with all of their story. And we human often are difficult with feelings, but it is always good to let things out than to bottled it up. Because the explosion might not be pretty. So please just be kind to everyone, baby. Because we all deserve of being loved just as much as everybody. The messiness, the cra...

People used to say this particular saying “I love you from the stars.” but I don’t think that’s for me, though. “I love you from the heart.” is the phrase that is more like me. “I love you so, so much than I love life itself.” I lied when I tell you that I’d be better off without my husband lol, I most certainly do not. Sometimes I’d like to think that way because he’s just been away too much. It’s almost has been always me & my baby. But hearts don’t lie either 🤣 My happiness scale is through the roof whenever he’s around, and I think it rubbed off to my baby. He’s extra happy whenever his dad is around. They would play together for hours with so much hearty laughs & so many cuddles. He will stay awake late at nights only to welcome his father home, then resume their late night shenanigans. I really love nights when laughter is in the air. With mama it’s calm but with papa it’s fun, I guess. Let’s just accept that mama is nowhere near him in terms of being funny. She’s dull, ...

You can still fly when your wings are clipped, right? Yes, it might be hard. And yes, you will stumble, oh you will even fall. But that doesn’t mean you can’t. It just means that you have to find some other ways to fly. So I watch “The Unbreakable Boy” yesterday and the movie brought me to tears. Such unbelievably good children with great parent. The movie is bare, very full of trust; vulnerabilities, strengths, and heart warming emotions that is very beautifully portrayed throughout of it. It’s from the same director Auggie in “Wonder” but in this one, the main character is Auzman. Auzman is a little kid with OI (Osteogenesis Imperfecta) and autism. And being a little kid, he sometimes wants to be as strong as his brother but his bones never allowed him to do so. So over the years, he become strong on something else instead. He become the mascott of his school. Someone that brings joy and light to everybody he passes by. Auzman sees the best in everyone, even the school bully. He shin...